My fingers slide off of the door knob and I tap it once again before I exit my extensively organized dorm. Taking the right number of breaths, and counting everything as I walk, my day begins. Compulsions result from the obsessions that I consistently ponder over. My mind is flooded with "what if's" as I try and retain a better understanding and purpose for everything I do, and see. My clothes must feel and appear in a manner that I deem acceptable, which to most others might be viewed as perfectionism. Everything I partake in, whether it eating, writing, walking, talking, or whatever else I may do on a daily basis, fully exposes my extreme obsessions and tics. While sometimes obsessing may be considered helpful, in that it keeps me organized and on my toes, the anxiety caused by the severe constraints provided by my many compulsions and thoughts makes obsessing far beyond being worth it; although it is not usually a choice for me. When people have as many tics as I do, it is generally considered a disorder, and control over one’s thoughts, at this point, is a very limited capability.
To list everything I need to perform, think about, and how I think about either what I am doing or thinking of, would be nearly impossible. Even before I knew I had obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), it was clear to me that my thought process differed immensely from anyone else I had met. While the traits of my OCD do not define me, they have truly made me a completely different person. Worries constantly overwhelm my mind, and thoughts circle in my head, almost endlessly, as I think about the most random things that could happen and how they are all tied together. My biggest fear, yet at the same time fascination, lies within how my thoughts seem to follow the theory of the butterfly effect. Everything that happens, regardless of how minutiae it may be, is connected to, and alters, upon change, everything in existence.
Casher: I really love what you are starting here, and I'd suggest developing this for your main nonfiction piece. But, first, a few tips.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence is EXCELLENT. From there, however you slip into generalities again. Remember, stay in the moment, be specific to the scene. So, for example, while this reads:
"My fingers slide off of the door knob and I tap it once again before I exit my extensively organized dorm. Taking the right number of breaths, and counting everything as I walk, my day begins. Compulsions result from the obsessions that I consistently ponder over. My mind is flooded with "what if's" as I try and retain a better understanding and purpose for everything I do, and see. My clothes must feel and appear in a manner that I deem acceptable, which to most others might be viewed as perfectionism. "
It would read better as:
My fingers slide off of the door knob and I tap it once again before I exit my extensively organized dorm. Taking the right number of breaths, and counting everything as I walk, my day begins. My mind is flooded with "what ifs'."
Then, instead of telling us that your clothes have to be perfect, let us pick out your clothes with you and show us the stress of having to accommodate your OCD and its accompanying perfectionism, instead of telling us simply that it exists. Show us your world -- paint your experience for us. It'll be much more effective.
Also: try and figure out what you might want to understand about your OCD as a way of defining the SO WHAT of your piece. Don't just show us your OCD, but show it to us for a reason: not to teach us about OCD, but to learn something about your OCD yourself. Does that make sense?