Casher Belinda
Ms. Grollmus
English 50
March 1, 2012
Life Without
Irradiating everywhere more visible than not,
She yearns to find her place in all;
Miss, if only your majestic ways could be taught,
Bring me thy unrelenting ecstasy, or I shall fall.
I have been told you are innate,
But I rest assured that is not solely true;
I have been told that I decide your fate,
Only some can contain her as she passes through.
Humanity shall always fiend your essence,
Her appearance all that life is worth;
Gift us with your presence,
Overtake thy entire earth.
Where you hide I’ll never understand,
I just hope that when I go we are hand in hand.
I started this entry knowing that I wanted to write a sonnet, but with a sort of ironic theme. I usually right in free verse but I figured happiness was a topic ironic enough to write formally about. I wanted to portray happiness as real and serious as I could, but also use a consistent rhyme scheme. I did not have the same number of syllables in each line, but the format otherwise is Shakespearian (I think). Punctuation was something I also tried to keep consistent throughout. I tried to use the concept of formal language give three different perspectives of happiness in the first three stanzas, while making sure to end with a separate two line stanza with its own rhyme scheme. Regardless of syllables the poem seemed fluent when I read it to myself, and the changing rhyme schemes really brought about the image of happiness and its importance to life in general. Although it does sound kind of dark, the glimpse into being without it gives a sense of thankfulness to the reader (I hope).
Cash: the phrasing and syntax here are beautiful--there is little awkwardness. However, the diction is entirely problematic. All of your language is abstract -- there is not one concrete word anywhere in this sonnet, which renders it generic. Think about including more concrete language and images in your poetry to avoid triteness.
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